Oh, the funky horror!
by Demon Hamster
Summary: Read at your own risk...muahahahhaaha O__o -A Demon Hamster Lost Lenore production-


DISCLAIMER….thingy…- We do not own Johnny or Devi, they are owned by Lord Jhonen Vasquez.  
Warning- This fic may cause nausea, vomiting, night terrors, and bleeding of the eyes.  
  
iiEnter with caution!!  
  
Johnny sat alone on his couch. Then he thought Hey! Killing people is wrong!" He was in an optimistic mood (AN: Big word! yikes!), so he grabbed the nearest phone and dialed the only phone number he knew... Devi's. Then he dialed. One ring. Two rings (A/N: YAAAY! I CAN COUNT!). Devi picked it up, "Hello?" Devi answered, "Hello. It's me, Johnny! I've realized the error in my ways! I'll never kill again. Please! Forgive me!" He pleaded. Devi was taken aback, how could she believe him? He WAS insane, after all. She stood silent for a few moments, she then sighed, distraught. "Please, Devi." He begged.  
  
"Please Johnny," she mocked, "STOP CALLING ME!"   
  
"But- " "No buts! YOU TRIED TO FUCKING -KILL- ME!" She shouted. "Okay Devi.... let's be reasonable."   
  
"Reasonable? REASONABLE? Was trying to kill me reasonable? Huh? Tell me that, Johnny!"   
  
"No, but. I got some movie tickets. Two in fact."   
Squeegirl13: "Oh, really? Well...Okay!" She said, Johnny smiled, "GREAT! I'll pick you up at 11:00!" He said happily.   
  
  
-Later, Devi's apartment, at 11:00, must I go into greater detail...-  
Devi came out all jazzed (jazzed? what the hell am I on?) up, looking great. Johnny was in a new trench coat, his usual boots, and a magic striped front image changing shirt.   
"You look great, Devi!" Johnny completed, Devi smiled nervously, "Thanks..."   
  
She got in the car, and drove away to the theater. When they got there, Johnny walked past the ticket...person and went straight into the theater where a man took the tickets. He directed them to where their film was showing. Johnny went up to the concession stand.  
  
Johnny got a large popcorn and two cherry fizz wizzes. He paid for the snacks.  
  
They walked down the hall (the magical hall that appeared out of nowhere. I'm retarded. YAY!), and into the correct theater. They were half way through the previews. Nny became angry.   
  
Johnny's eye twitched. Here it comes, an insane episode...merf.... Johnny resisted his urge to decapitate the person in the seat in front of him...for now.   
  
Remembering that killing is wrong, especially in front of your date, Johnny took his place in the back of the theater. "Johnny, I'd much rather sit down there in the middle of the theater. Yes... I would." Devi told Nny.   
Nny sighed and nodded, they moved. He -HAD- to make a good, SANE, impression on Devi tonight. But the preveiws...they didn't stop...that made him mad. insane mad.   
  
"These FUCKING previews! WHY! Why do they have to keep rolling, breaking any spirit that I had left?! Do you find this amusing, Mr. Guy In The Controls Room? Do you? Why does my pain bring joy into your sad existence?" Devi, sensing his insanity, decided 'Fuck Johnny. Fuck everything. I'm gonna watch this movie and enjoy myself, insane date or not.'   
  
Nny kept screaming about the Guy in the controls room, utterly ruining everyone in the theatres' time, watching a movie. But not Devi's, no sir, she wouldn't let it ruin HER time.   
  
As Nny rambled on, far into the film, even into the unnecessary sex scene. people filed out one by one, as the insane maniac in the back screamed ceaselessly.   
  
Devi had a headache from Johnny's shouts (and from the sounds of the unnecessary sex scene). "...AND YOU ALWAYS FUCKING PLAY THOSE LITTLE Ads BEFORE THE PREVEIWS!! FOOK!!"   
  
And he just kept shouting, far through the gory violence...   
  
And past the mushy romance crap....   
  
And, far after the full credits had rolled and the theater closed. Devi clenched the armrests, resisting impending insanity.   
Nny abruptly stopped, Devi sighed in a relived way. 'Thank God...' they left the theatre, not speaking of Nny's little episode.   
  
  
Johnny drove Devi home, and dropped her off at her apartment. She unlocked the door and threw herself on the couch. "What a night... what a great fuckin' night..."   
  
As Johnny walked to his car he thought, 'Man....tonight sucked....'   
  
The next day, Johnny realized that love really sucked, and he should ban all thoughts of women and feeling for that matter from his mind.   
  
but Devi...she was a different story, she had virtually become obsessed with her love for Nny. She even started a website on it overnight.   
She called it www.howtodateinsaneandskinnyboys.com. Johnny picked up the phone, but then put it down. He was terrible at these things. So, in traditional fashion, he went digging under the couch for the tape recorder.   
Once Nny retrieved the tape recorder, he recorded all he had to say. Nny dialed Devi's number, and played back the tape so she could hear.   
  
"Devi, this plays only once, so pay attention. I hate the world. I hate feeling. I hate the shackles of feeling, the primitive urges that drive one to do such time-consuming activities like dating. Blind rage is all I feel for emotion, and all who bring it's chains upon me. Mr. Guy in the controls room, Reverend Meat, and most importantly, you. And as the saying goes, shkhd asfiorun dlfjjfd..." The words scrambled in Devi's brain. She was so hurt, so bruised and scarred.   
  
Nothing he could do could hurt her more.   
  
Devi dropped the phone and cried. He had just shattered what sanity she had left.   
But the tape played on, but fell on deaf ears. "So, Devi, my dear. I am 'dumping' you, as they say. Freedom, here I come."   
  
Devi stopped crying and looked at the phone, she picked it up, "WHY, JOHNNY?!?!? WHY!??! I LOVE YOU!!" She screamed into the phone.   
  
Johnny hung up the phone and went down to the basement.  
  
Once Nny made it down to one his of many torture chambers, he brought his attention to a pretty girl he had planned to kill. He had other plans for her, now.   
  
"Why hello there! What's your name, lovely?" he asked the girl. "M-my name's Jessika." The girl stuttered, Nny smiled, "How about we go on a date?"  
  
Devi lay back on the couch. Her eyes danced over the choice of suicide devices: a butcher's cleaver, a meat knife, and a loaded gun. "Johnny... why? I'm so sick without you..." she brought the gun to her head. She slowly reached for the trigger. "Okay, you can do this... WAIT! Suicide note! Make Johnny feel guilty, yes..."   
  
Devi grabbed a piece of scrap paper and scribbled a small note.   
  
"Dear whoever,  
  
obviously, I've committed suicide. Don't bother looking back into my life. This was caused by one individual: Johnny C. It's all HIS fault. Blame Johnny for all my pain!" She then brought the gun to her head, and with a loud bang, she was dead. ((A/N: Heh...it rhymed ^^) No one came after they heard the bang. She was left alone. It was just Devi and her dead, cold, motionless body. Alone.  
  
-Meanwhile...at Johnny's house-  
  
Johnny had taken Jessika to a movie, it al went surprisingly well. They went back to Nny's house. Jessika sat on the couch, Nny followed suit.   
  
"GOD! That movie sucked! Thank's for taking me, Nny!" Jessika said. "Well... Jessika... there's something that you can do for me... you know, since I took you out for this movie." "What Nny? Anything!"   
  
"Weeeelll......." -Later...-   
  
Johnny and Jessika lay (nekked O__O;;;) in the bed that magically appeared out of nowhere. "Was that good enough? Nny?" Jessika asked. Johnny couldn't respond... he was too shocked (Hm.).   
  
Jessika pulled a cigarette seemingly from thin air, and lit it with a lighter from thin air.  
THE END (THANK GOD!)  
PLEASE REVIEW. (Flamers can go to hell.) 


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